Saturday, January 22, 2011

When a Girl's Got to Go

I'm sure this has happened to all of us at some point in our lives, you are enjoying some lovely entertainment at a banquet and you need to leave because you have to go to the bathroom. Not a problem, right? Well, last night was Mr. G's company's annual banquet and we were the last couple to arrive because the teen had a camp out last night and they weren't leaving until the dinner began. So we dropped off the teen and wished him good luck in the desert and with freezing temps and headed over to the banquet.

When we got there one other couple had arrived just ahead of us. We sat down with them in front of the stage at the only table still completely empty. I thought nothing of it until one of the guys in charge of the evening came over and told us about the entertainment. It was jasonhewlett.com. He is kind of a cross between Jim Carrey and a female impersonator, except he impersonates mostly male singers.

Anyways, he started his show and he was starting to grow on me with each impersonation when I realized, "I've got to pee!" I thought surely I could hold it until the end of the show because I was at the front of the room and there wasn't a clear path to the back door and I knew if I left this guy was going to say something and it could be a little embarrassing. So I tried to wait, really I did, but I'm a 41-year-old woman who's had three babies and there is only so much waiting a girl can do, plus I drank a lot of sparkling punch. So, I decided to wait until he stopped singing and started talking about Cher and how she invented the whole techno sound for music. Without much more thought I made a beeline for the back of the room through the squished together couples and when I reached the doors I realized he was talking about me and the room was roaring with laughter. I turned around and shot him my "Oh, no, you, didn't" look and he shot back "Oh, yes, I, did lady" look and said something like (in a woman's voice) "Uh, I really like Cher, humph, well, I'm leaving!" And with that I walked/ran to the bathroom.

In the bathroom I could hear the whole act and that he had moved on, but I knew going back in would be more of the same. By then, though, I wasn't really that embarrassed. I was just glad I had made it to the bathroom. So I gathered my courage, walked back into the room and sure enough he said, "Oh look, she's back." Everyone laughed and we got back to our evening. All I have to say is, when a girl's got to go, she has got to go.

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